The Talk
by Nel
Summary: Pan gets the infamous talk, but poor Gohan has been forced to give it! Note: I wrote this when I was 14. Don't hold it against me.


The Talk

It was a warm afternoon on Mt. Paozu. Videl poured tea for herself and her guest, the illustrious Bulma Briefs. Chi Chi had thought it was a good idea if Videl had some help with her parenting technique, since Pan was reaching such a tender age. Chi Chi knew the kind of trouble a girl could get into, so she commissioned Bulma to help her out, since Videl and Chi Chi had never seen quite eye to eye on much of anything. Bulma thought that this was a good idea, though she would have thought it a better idea had it not involved her driving all the way out to Mt. Paozu when she had other things to be doing.

"So, what have you been up to lately?" Videl asked politely, herself quite curious about this impromptu request for tea.

"I had to give Bra the talk last week," she sighed. "Neither of us much appreciated the awkwardness of that situation."

"The talk?" Videl rose an eyebrow.

"You know, about being a woman, the birds and the bees," the blue haired woman responded, sipping her tea.

"Oh, that talk. I never got that talk," Videl shrugged.

"I don't think any of us expected your father to give you that talk, Videl. Most fathers would rather die than think of their little girls turning into women, and Mr. Satan is... special," Bulma said. "Vegeta had a fit just because I mentioned telling her."

"Why?" she asked.

"He thinks that if she doesn't know about sex, she won't go out and do it," the older woman said. "Vegeta hates the thought of his little girl becoming a woman. She takes after her mother, though," Bulma gave the younger woman a truly evil grin.

"It does make a certain amount of sense," Videl set her cup down and crossed her arms thoughtfully.

Bulma tisked and shook her head. "You didn't get the talk, but you and Gohan seemed to figure it out just fine," she started.

Videl suppressed a grin.

"A woman can either live in ignorance or find out for herself, and we all know that teenage girls must know, the Capsule Corporation president said. If no one tell you about it, you'll be curious and want to find out what the big deal is. And vengeful as girls are, wouldn't mind getting back at their parents for hiding things.

"Well, I figure, school will take care of it, and if Pan has any questions, she can ask," Videl shrugged and picked up her tea again.

"Not a good idea, Bulma shook her head. At school she'll get all sorts of misinformation and she'll never have the guts to ask you.

The young mother made a soft sound of understanding. She didn't like where this was going. "Gohan would go through the roof if he knew what we were talking about. Pan's always been his little girl," she said.

"How old is Pan now, anyway?" Bulma inquired.

"Almost 14," Videl answered. "Is she really? That can't be right..."

"They grow so fast," Bulma sighed. "It seems like just yesterday I was changing Trunks' diapers, and now he's graduating from college, and will be starting out at Capsule Corporation..."

"I feel old now," the younger sighed as well.

"Old compared to whom? I'm at least twenty years older than you," Bulma pointed out, a rather depressed looking taking over her features.

"You don't look it. In fact, you look about sixteen... I've been meaning to ask you about that," Videl said, not without significant wonder. She was beginning to think that Capsule Corporation had discovered the fountain of youth.

"You know when Vegeta suddenly disappeared for about a month?" she smiled devilishly. "Turns out he was taking a little trip to Namek."

"Dragonballs?" she blinked in surprise. "Damn."

"That's also why Chi Chi suddenly looked young again, too. She still doesn't know how it happened," Bulma laughed.

"Why did Vegeta wish Chi Chi young again?" Videl asked in confusion.

"Final thanks to Goku, I think," Bulma replied. "I think he also figured I wouldn't want to hang out with someone that looked at least old enough to be my mother."

"That would definitely explain it, she said thoughtfully. I think I know what I'll ask Gohan for my 40th birthday!

Bulma laughed. I have to get back, but you should think about giving Pan that talk. She needs to know. I know she's curious... the way that poor girl is crushing on Trunks... You should talk to Gohan about it.

I'll do that," the woman nodded and stood. Thanks for coming by, but tell Chi Chi I can raise my own children."

Bulma laughed guiltily and left. Videl went to the kitchen to clean up their little mess. She would talk to Gohan about it. It was a good idea.

"Gohan," Videl turned to her husband in bed.

"Hmm?" he asked, getting a slight smirk and pulling the small woman toward himself.

"Have you ever thought about telling Pan about things?" she asked, allowing him to move her.

"What kind of things?" Gohan inquired, lightly nibbling her ear.

"Things about life, things like what you're planning on doing right now," she answered.

Gohan jolted and released her like he'd been electrocuted. "What? She's not... You don't think she's..."

"I don't think she is, but she could, and she needs to know..." Videl replied.

Gohan blinked and then sighed, running his fingers through his short hair and staring at the ceiling dolefully. I never really thought about it."

"I think she should know," she said again.

"Maybe you could take her out to lunch and tell her? I remember when my dad told me. He took me fishing and tried to explain.

Coming from Goku-san I bet it was pretty confusing, she laughed.

Incredibly, he replied, thinking fondly of his father. But I think you should be the one to tell her. It would be awkward coming from me.

"Wait a minute here, you had as much a part bringing her into this world as I did, even if your part only took a few minutes total," she poked his chest.

"You want me to tell her?" he exclaimed. I can't do that... I'm no good at talking about things like that.

"You're a teacher, you should be good at explaining things. Besides, I'd be willing to make a deal," she smirked.

"What kind of deal?" the warrior asked weakly.

"I'll tell her about becoming a woman and all, and you tell her about sex." The way she said it left no room for argument and Gohan knew it. That fact did not stop him from voicing his protests.

"But... but... I'm her _father_. That's a girl talk, not a dad talk," he protested.

"You had no problem with teaching _me_ about it," she grinned and crawled over him.

"That... that's different," the demi-Saiya-jin said nervously. "You're my wife... its... different." He groaned as her pelvis rubbed against his.

Or maybe you're bored with that, she abruptly climbed off of him and turned away. She smirked when she heard his pitiful cry of protest.

"Fine, but you owe me so big for this," he sighed, defeated, pulling her soft form against his own again.

"That's what I thought," she grinned wickedly and kissed him.

Upstairs Pan and Bra glanced at each other and blushed. Bra and Pan were best friends. Despite their very different interests, they were perfect compliments for each other. Besides, Bra thought Gohan was cute, and everybody and their uncle knew about Pan's crush on Trunks. It was mutually beneficial for all parties. However, having two sets of very... active... parents could be quite embarrassing at times. "Don't they ever get tired?" Bra asked. They'd been at it for at least an hour.

"I don't know, maybe we should pound on the floor and see what happens?" Pan suggested.

Bra giggled and the two decided to turn on the stereo to drown out the obvious sex sounds, and went back to their sleepover.

The next morning, Pan and Bra came down the stairs to a very happy looking couple. "Morning mom, dad."

Gohan paled significantly when he saw his daughter emerge, remembering what Videl had 'convinced' him to explain.

Pan tipped her head. "Something wrong, daddy? You look a little pale."

"He's probably _exhausted_," Bra said quietly as she passed. Pan's face twisted in disgust and she elbowed the demi-Saiya-jin girl in the side as she moved toward the table.

"I'm fine," he answered quickly and started eating at an alarming pace. Pan was worried he might choke. "I'm gonna go... I've got some... I'm going to spar with dad... I mean Goten."

Bra and Pan glanced at each other. He seemed exceedingly nervous about something. What had happened last night, they wondered.

"Gohan, your dad's been dead for several months and Goten is with Paris. You're not getting out of this," Videl said quietly and patted his head, dumping more food onto his plate.

The demi-Saiya-jin sighed, pushed the plate of food away, and softly banged his head on the table. "Why me?"

The woman laughed.

"Mom?" Pan asked, looking from her father to her mother, confused.

"Adults are so strange and confusing," Bra sighed, exasperated. "I hope I never get that old."

Videl chuckled. "You will, don't worry. Now, Bra-chan, it's time to go home, and Panny, after that you and I can go out to breakfast for some girl talk," Videl ruffled her daughter's hair, causing her to release an indignant 'MOM!'. "Go get packed up, Bra-chan, Panny, get your shoes on."

"Yes, mom," she said, straightening her hair and then grabbing her friend's hand and dashing up the stairs.

Videl grabbed Gohan by his hair after the girls had left and turned his face towards hers. "Gohan, don't you dare try to get out of this. You agreed."

"I was tricked and coerced," he pouted.

"It's not my fault you can't resist me," she smirked.

"Why can't we just wait for her to learn about it in school?" Gohan protested.

"Because it's better that she find out from someone she trusts and gets all the facts, and can ask questions openly.

Gohan paled. There would be questions? He mouthed helplessly like a fish out of water, trying to form some words to defend himself.

"Do _you_ want to tell her about periods and such?" Videl crossed her arms.

Gohan paled more.

"I didn't think so," she turned away and started for her shoes. "You'll be here this afternoon, or you'll be sleeping on the couch indefinitely. I know you won't be able to resist me when the full moon rolls around, Go-chan, so don't even say you don't need sex."

Gohan banged his head against the table again.

Pan and Bra glanced with question at the demi-Saiya-jin before heading for Videl and then out the door.

Your dad is cute, Pan, but he sure is weird.

Pan arrived home with her mother, face slightly red, but other than that, she was her normal spunky self. For some reason her mother thought that she didn't know about 'becoming a woman' or any of those things. She had allowed her mother to speak without interruption, but really, she knew everything that was said. Bra was almost two years older than her and had been 'a woman' for quite some time (as had she) and had told her everything there was to know.

"Gohan!" Videl called.

"He's in the study," Pan announced. "I can feel his ki."

"You're getting sharp as a tack, Pan-chan. Your ki sense is so accurate." Videl applauded. "Well, since he's in there already you should go up to him. He wants to talk to you."

"What about?" she asked suspiciously.

You'll find out soon enough, now get your butt in gear, Videl scolded and went to the kitchen to start dinner.

"Okay, okay," the girl resigned and took off for the little room.

Videl stifled a laugh as she started the rice boiling.

Pan dashed into the study and jumped into Gohan's lap. "Hi, daddy," she smiled cutely. Mom said you wanted to see me?

"Back already?" he asked nervously.

The girl nodded.

Gohan started to say something and then lost his nerve. He stood up and set her in the large office chair. "Don't move an inch, I'll be back in a minute."

Pan tipped her head in question, but obeyed as Gohan rushed from the room.

"Videl," he whined. "I can't do this."

"You're just going to have to deal with it," she crossed her arms. "I did my part, now it's your turn."

"But... I _can't,_" he pleaded.

Videl gave him a look that spoke volumes. He had seen that look before. It usually meant some very, very lonely nights for him. Gohan groaned and slowly trudged back to the study.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Pan asked.

Gohan looked down at his young daughter, her innocent brown eyes looking at him in question.

"Just a minute." He took off again. He made it halfway down the hallway before Videl's threatening look flashed through his mind and he slumped, dejectedly returning to the study.

The demi-Saiya-jin girl opened her mouth to say something, but Gohan silenced her.

"Pan... don't talk," he held up his hand.

Pan blinked. Am I in trouble?

"Your _mother_ wants me to explain some things to you... things I'm not the best at talking about... and I don't want you to say a word until I'm done, all right?"

He sat down stiffly in the chair on the other side of the desk from Pan.

All right, she agreed.

"Okay..." Gohan stood up again. "Um... let's see.. okay... oookay."

Pan looked at him curiously.

"Okay." The Saiya-jin sat down again. "Okay."

"I think we've got 'okay' down now. Shall we move on?" she asked, her usually wide eyes narrowed. She was beginning to get a good idea of what this was all about. First her mother giving her the 'being a woman' talk, and now Gohan nervously muddling through nonsensical sentences. It was obvious what this was about.

"Shh... no talking," he held his index fingers to his own lips.

"Right, sorry," she said in a falsely apologetic tone.

"Okay," Gohan stood up and started pacing. Pan rolled her eyes. "Okay... when a man and a woman really love each other..."

Pan was about to say something, but Gohan made the shushing motion again and she closed her mouth.

"When a man and a woman really love each other... they want to express that love and..." he thought about it for a second. "They get married!" he declared triumphantly.

The quarter Saiya-jin girl slumped in her chair, covering her burning face. This was not only painful for him. Gohan continued.

"And... when people get married... sometimes they want to have a baby," he said. "But certain things have to be done to have a baby... unpleasant things."

She raised an incredulous eyebrow. If that was so unpleasant, she was sure her parents were suckers for punishment, because they seemed to be doing that every night.

"The way people have babies is through a process called... sex," he coughed into his hand and glanced at Pan who was still slumped in her chair, groaning in embarrassment. "See... during this... thing... they... um... well, they..."

The girl stifled a laugh and glanced to her mother who was in stitches just outside the door.

"After they're married, he stressed the words. They go to their bedroom..." he sat down in the chair and nervously tapped his feet on the ground, trying to think of the right thing to say. "And they..."

Pan tilted her head, pretending not to know what he was saying. Yes, daddy?

"They... they... Videl!" he called hoarsely. "I can't do this!"

The woman didn't answer.

Gohan groaned and looked back to his daughter. She was still sitting there, lightly drumming her fingers on the hardwood desk, pretending to be innocent and confused.

"Okay..." he stood up and paced. "Okay." He glanced to the desk, grabbed the glass of water, and downed it in one gulp. "Okay... okay. The guy... and the girl... they... they ask their health teacher."

Gohan closed his eyes, envisioning laying on the couch with the full moon just outside, painfully yearning for his wife. He could not let that happen. Setting his face in a fierce Saiya-jin scowl, Gohan turned back to Pan and proceeded to explain everything to his daughter.

"...and that's what happens," he sat down. "Do you have any questions?"

"Well, no," she answered slowly. "But dad?"

"Yeah?" he asked, bracing himself for anything she could possibly throw at him.

"I already knew all that," she replied with a grin.

Gohan's dark eyes widened and he fell out of his chair.

"Dad?" Pan jumped up in surprise and walked over, looking at him from the floor. "Are you okay?"

"H-h-how..." he rasped. "But... but... I just... and the... and HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?"

"Trunks told me," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"What?" he said flatly.

"I asked, he told me," she shrugged her thin shoulders again. I was curious but Bra wouldn't tell me. She dared me to ask Trunks, so I did.

Gohan pulled himself from a heap on the floor and opened the window to the study, crawling out.

"Where are you going?" she asked, running over to the window.

"To kill Trunks," he answered and took off into the air.

Pan sighed and looked over to the door where Videl was rolling on the floor laughing. She walked toward the phone in the hall, but looked down at the floor when she heard her mother's cackling.

"Why... why..." she pointed to the window, face crimson and utterly collapsed on the floor from laughing so hard. "Why didn't you tell him you knew!"

"He told me not to talk," she said simply.

Videl continued laughing and Pan stepped over her mother to the phone.

"Hello, Trunks?" she said into the receiver.

"Pan?" he answered.

"You might want to leave town for a few days," she said calmly.

"Why?" he asked in puzzlement.

"Trunks!" Gohan's angry voice could be heard on the other end.

"That's why," she replied.

"Ahhh!" the phone dropped to the floor with a thud and the connection died, as she was sure Trunks was about to do.

Pan hung up the phone, shrugged and started for the kitchen. She had been envisioning Trunks' cute face all the while her father was talking, trying to block out the mental images her father's voice was bestowing upon her brain. Thinking about Trunks so hard had made her... hungry. She grinned and hoped he was as fast as he was cute.


End file.
